“For in that He Himself has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted” (Heb. 2:18). Even in a life wrapped in prayers and scripture reading, many have found themselves enslaved to a behavior that we they don’t want and even despise. Giving into sexual desires outside of marriage of a man and a woman is a sin (Heb. 13:4, 1 Cor. 7:2), and practicing sin produces spiritual death (Jam. 1:14-15). Christ’s Spirit speaks,
“For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that you abstain from fornication; that each one of you know how to possess himself of his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in the passion of lust, even as the Nations who know not God;” (1 Thess. 4:3-5).
Yes, but how? If you need to know more about how to control yourself, keep reading. What I am about to show you applies to all sinful and addictive behavior. It works and is freely provided in the Bible. This post specifically addresses what most of the dozens of books and websites have not done to provide the knowledge necessary to stop this prominent sin. The key to overcoming immoral sexual behavior is here. Your helpful comments and insights are needed too. Telling someone to read more, pray more, be saved, go to church, and live right are good things to do, but can be of little benefit without further understanding about how to practically address such temptations.
Most Christians are not prepared to fight against the sexual sins of this world. This issue is still thought to be inappropriate to openly address at some churches, but the necessity of teaching on this subject is clearly seen upon the apparent sexual immorality running throughout Christendom. Why is sexual immorality a problem when fornication is not to be named among Christians (Eph. 5:3)? The man who can honestly say that he has never lusted after a woman is rare if such a man exists. Just as rare is the woman, who can say that she has not romantically fantasized about another man. There’s not really any one particular person or generation to blame besides ourselves individually. Yes, it would have been nice to have been isolated and kept from exposure and even abuse. Still we have to take responsibility for ourselves. Sexual sins are easier to overcome than any other time, and yet the previous generation had it easier and the one before that even easier since they were less exposed to sexual sins. Therefore, it is understandable that this sin has crept up unknowingly upon Christians across the world in an openly sinful world where the media advertises sex everywhere.
This article will do 2 things. First, help you understand what is necessary to put in place a way of escape to overcome sexual sins, and secondly, help you set a way of escape to endure temptation. Let’s be aware of what is necessary.
What behavior is sexually immoral? Sadly, many debate the definition of sexual immorality or rather justify sexual sins. Sexual sin like most sin is irrationally explained away. Yet, Jesus has a very clear definition of what is sexually immoral. When He spoke of adulteries, fornications, and lewdness as “evil things” that defile people, he knew what He meant (Mark 7:20-23). Jesus did not have to specify what He meant by fornication by a descriptive list. Jesus openly used the definition of fornication according to the Law of Moses before those who were under this law. In Leviticus 18, 19:29, 20 and Deuteronomy 22:5, v22-30 being in the Law of Moses; fornication consists of adultery, extra-marital sex including premarital sex, incest, rape, sex during menstruation, homosexuality, bestiality, prostitution, and uncovering (nudity). The definition of fornication includes more in the New Testament in addition to the Old Testament, Law of Moses. The New Testament scriptures present the definition of sexual immorality, “fornication” from the Greek porneia. In the New Testament, sexual immorality includes all acts of lust that are outside of marriage (Heb. 13:4). Jesus taught to the extent not to look to lust (Matt. 5:28), and yet Jesus taught against being lewd, which the Apostle Peter defines lewdness as to “allure through the lusts of the flesh” (2 Pet. 2:18, cf. Jas. 1:13-14). Those who allure to look are just as guilty if not more than those who look to lust. The New Testament simply defines fornication as any defilement of the marriage bed including homosexual “marriages” and polygamy (Gen. 2:24; Matt. 5:27-28, 19:5; 1 Cor. 6:16; Eph. 5:31; Heb. 13:4). There should not be any debate concerning what is sexually immoral.
The Cause: “What is happening to me?” Jesus said in Mark 7:20-23 (Matt. 15:19-20),
“What comes out of a man, that defiles a man. For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man.“
You have to recognize that your heart is the source of this sin. Your heart can be corrupted by giving into sin and become filled with sin despite that you congregate every week, read the Scriptures everyday, pray at every meal, and have your mind almost continually on the spiritual. You are still accountable for your own sins (Jas. 1:13-14). Sexual immorality is a sin against your own body, against God, and against God’s institution of marriage (1 Cor. 6:15-20). First Corinthians 6:18-20 says,
“Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”
If you feel enslaved and feel like you cannot control your sexual behavior, the Bible talks about enslaved behavior of all kinds. Such enslavement to behavior is called an “addiction” today. How can someone become enslaved to a sin that a person’s does not want to commit? Those caught in a sexual sin or any habitual sin that they do not want to do relate to these words, “For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do” (Rom. 7:15). The problem is that sin is dwelling within you rather than the Spirit. Romans 7:17-20 states,
“But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.”
You cannot perform what is good with sin dwelling in you. This passage is not justifying or allowing anyone to sin, but rather saying that one has the indwelling of sin rather than the Spirit of Christ.
The Answer:
“O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh, that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit” (Rom. 7:24-8:4).
How do we walk according to the Spirit? “[Y]ou must put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind,” (Eph. 4:22-23, cf. Rom. 1:28, 8:7; Eph. 2:3, 4:17ff; Phil. 3:19, Col. 1:12, 2:8, 3:1-5ff; 1 Tim. 6:5; Titus 1:15; Jas. 1:8, 4:8). First Peter 1:13 teaches that one must “bind the groin of the mind, be sober” (cf. Titus 2:11-12). In offering one’s body as a living offering, Romans 12:2 commands, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Romans 8:5-6 states,
“For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.”
How does someone set their mind on the Spirit rather than the flesh? When setting the mind on the Spirit, the Spirit dwells in you (Rom. 8:9-11). James 1:21 states, “Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls” (cf. Col. 3:16). This is the work of the Spirit to change you through the Word of God (2 Cor. 3:18, Rom. 8:5-6, 11-13).
God’s Spirit commands that we be filled with the Spirit. This is our choice and our action. You must fill yourself with the Spirit and not excess (Eph. 5:18). This is a command that you obey in filling yourself with the Spirit. Many think they are filled with the Spirit and they are not as seen by their practice of sin (Gal. 5:16ff). Therefore, fill your life with Christ, His life, His words, and His commands given to His Apostles and prophets found in the scriptures. Set your mind as a whole thinking on all the teachings of Christ given to us through His Apostles and prophets (Eph. 3:3-5). As Philippians 4:8 teaches, set your mind on these,
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honorable, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
Listen. The Holy Spirit does not mystically force you to walk in righteousness against your will, and this is clear because walking in the Spirit is a command not a promise. You have to live the life. Know the fruits of the Spirit and look for them in your life: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal. 5:22-23). Add to knowledge self-control, and to self-control endurance (2 Pet. 1:5-6).
Remember Romans 8:13, which states, “For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live” (Rom. 6:16-18). How do you put to death the deeds of the body?
The Way of Escape: You know what is right, and yet the desire overcomes you. Before you can resist, you must recognize yourself as dead to sin. To recognize yourself as dead, you must endure. Before you endure you, you must escape.
1) Escape the temptation. “Escape sexual immorality,” (1 Cor. 6:18). Renew your mind believing that you can escape! God says that you can. Christ’s Spirit states,
“No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it” (1 Cor. 10:12-13).
You are able to escape. You can escape to bear the desires. That is what 1 Corinthians 10:13 says. You can’t overcome this sin without recognizing you can succeed. Recognize your successes in escaping this sin, and this will help you convince yourself that this sin can be overcome. Be encouraged when you have escaped a sin even for a short amount of time, and see that you can. Notice that escaping is escaping the temptation and not trying to flee when you’ve already been lured and enticed (Jas. 1:14).
2) Endure the urge, the desire, the temptation. First Corinthians 10:13 says that you can bear and endure after you have escaped. Do it. Escape and endure. You are able. You don’t have to give into the temptation. Giving in is only going to make things worse. Romans 6:19 confirms,
“I speak in human terms because of the weakness of your flesh. For just as you presented your members as slaves of uncleanness, and of lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves of righteousness for holiness.”
Giving into temptations will only make temptations worse and increase sin upon sin.
Did Jesus give into temptations to stop the temptations (Matt. 4, Luke 4)? No. The temptation can go away. The urges can diminish. It is a lie to believe that urges will keep growing and not stop till giving in. “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you” (Jas. 4:7). Evidently, the Bible teaches that urges can cease naturally. Knowing the path of sin that “each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire” (Jas. 1:14). You can endure the urge without giving into the temptation.
Add to this that by enduring temptations will make you happy. For “Blessed [happy] is the man who endures temptation” (Jas. 1:12, cf. 1:4).
3) Recognize yourself as dead to sin. To endure, you must recognize that you are dead to sin. The Spirit of Christ says in Romans 6:11-12, “Likewise you also, recognize yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts.” Remember that you are dead. “And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires” (Gal. 5:24). This must be a reality, a conviction, and a mind set on the Spirit. Galatians 2:20 reveals,
“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”
Remember that when Jesus was tempted that He countered the thought with a better thought from Scripture, and not by trying to ignore the temptation. Don’t feel guilty about being tempted. Jesus was tempted. You are going to be tempted. You will get urges and desires to entice you. You don’t have to give into them and continue to hurt yourself. Recognize the lusts of your flesh are separate from who you are. You are not your flesh.
Yet, recognizing that you are dead includes one very important conformation. You must have been baptized into Christ’s death to be alive in His resurrection (Rom. 6:3-7, Col. 2:12-13). This is the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. This is the Gospel by which people are saved (1 cor. 15:1-4, cf. Rom. 1:16).
4) Live according to the Spirit. Walk in the Spirit having crucified the flesh. You’re “alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” The Christian life is one of walking by the Spirit. If you fill yourself with the Spirit, then you will overcome the flesh. Galatians 5:16 says, “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.” This is so important to those who are overwhelmed by their urges. Why should your soul worship and serve your flesh? Find something spiritual that overcomes your mind with joy and do it especially when you are being tempted. Fill yourself with the Spirit by scripture, prayer, and singing; and overcome the flesh with the Spirit.
What if you stumble? Everyone sins and everyone stumbles (Rom. 3:23, Jas 3:2). Feel guilty and let it help change you. Have godly sorrow for your sins since “godly sorrow works repentance unto salvation” (2 Cor. 7:10). Your salvation is on the line and guilt works repentance. Be relieved that the punishment for fornication and adultery is no longer execution (Lev. 20:10-12, 21:9, Deut. 22:21-22), but still know that fornicators will suffer condemnation in Hell (1 Cor. 6:9-10, Gal. 5:19-21, Eph. 5:5, Col. 3:5-6, Rev. 21:8). Let the word on the heart with the conscience motivate you.
5) Make no provision for the flesh. This section is about not leaving even one path open to fall back into sexual sin. This is necessary. It’s time for many Christians to quit trying to battle face to face with sexual sin. See, “fleshly lusts…war against the soul” (1 Pet. 2:11). This is no easy battle. If Christians can stand down sexual sin, then why do the Scriptures say, “Flee from sexual immorality” (1 Cor. 6:18) or “because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband” (1 Cor. 7:2)? You have to retreat to flank sin. Why do you think Joseph fled from Potiphar’s wife (Gen. 39:8-13)? Was Joseph not spiritually strong? He was strong enough to flee. If you had to help a friend overcome an habitual sin, what would you tell them? Would you not tell them to get away from the sources of temptation?
We have desires and those desires can give birth to sin unto spiritual death (James 1:14-15). Therefore do this, “put you on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof” (Rom. 13:14). Why would the Scriptures instruct to make no provision for the flesh when it is possible to always withstand sin? Are the Scriptures wrong about lusts of the flesh? Look again at what Jesus said in Matthew 5:28, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Most people read this and concentrate on not lusting rather than not looking. They are missing that Jesus was showing a way to prevent the adulterous lust by not looking in the first place. Set the mind not to even look. In this way, you can make a covenant with your eyes (Job 31:1).
The fact of the matter is that doing nothing is not going to aid you in overcoming these sins. Jesus said in Matthew 18:9, “And if your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out, and cast it from you: it is good for you to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into the hell of fire.” Jesus also stated in Matthew 19:12, “For there are eunuchs, that were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are eunuchs, that were made eunuchs by men: and there are eunuchs, that made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.” Hopefully, it will not come down to such drastic measures. I believe that Christ is urging us with these statements to do something and to make a great sacrifice to overcome sin. We must make no provision for the flesh. First Thessalonians 5:22 states, “abstain from every form of evil.” Let’s address the temptations of each of these and how to make no provision for the flesh. You must not leave one path back to this sin. See more on applying this to your life after point 4.
Manage your desires within marriage and, or by other natural emissions. God has provided ways to cope by managing sexual desires. When Israelite soldiers were away from their wives or being single, the Scriptures show that these men had nocturnal emissions (Deut. 23:9-11). They were not excused in the circumstances of war to behave in a sexually immoral way. Married men still have to know how to manage themselves at specific times in their marriage. This is what God has naturally provided. God gave further instructions to Israelite men to live with a way to control themselves (Lev. 15:1-17). Women also have this natural function. Realizing this should encourage you to rely on God’s ways rather than yours and help you with desires you may think you cannot control. No one has to submit to the world’s ways of addressing these desires by submitting to lust.
Respecting marriage is very important. Just the simple conviction that sex is an act of love meant only for your spouse greatly changes how ones desires are directed. You have to honor marriage by respecting the marriage bed even if you are not married. See, you are guilty of defiling the marriage bed even when being single and engaging immoral sexual behavior. This is clear in Hebrews 13:4, which says, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Marital issues of intimacy need to be resolved by both those married and not married (1 Cor. 7:1-9). Marital affections are due to each spouse. “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband” (1 Cor. 7:3). “Do not deprive one another” (1 Cor. 7:5). Why? “Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.” (1 Cor. 7:2). “[I]f they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Cor. 7:9). Men and women must be transformed by the renewing of their minds in these convictions.
Men need to understand that a Scriptural marriage means loving his wife by honoring and nourishing her with a tender and warm affection (Greek: thalpo) (1 Peter 3:7, Ephesians 5:28-29). He must do this with understanding and without bitterness (Col. 3:19, 1 Peter 3:7). Likewise, women must also recognize that God’s ideal for marriage is for a wife to love and respect her husband by submitting as is fitting to the Lord (Eph. 5:22, 33, Col. 3:18, Titus 2:4, 1 Peter 3:1). Desire for the opposite sex is designed for marriage and all other desires outside of marriage are perversions. This desire of the flesh can only be controlled by using it properly through love. This is all vitally important in understanding marriage and honoring the marriage bed.
*** More on How to “Make not Provision of the Flesh into Lusts” ***
- Starting with the internet, TV, and magazines. Pornography is probably the most common sin of Christian men. Having the internet is like having a stack of pornographic magazines under one’s bed. The temptation is always there. This is like the street of the adulterous woman as Solomon instructs not to go near (Prov. 7). The street of the adulterous and strange woman can be the internet or television, so don’t let her street end at your house. Many find it easy to control their hands from exchanging money for pornographic magazines, but struggle to restrain themselves when thinking they are anonymous online.
Get rid of any saved sexual material. Get rid of the bad cable channels or get rid of cable TV all together. Put the computer in a common room with filter and accountability software if you want. This is good to protect children. Regarding internet filters, OpenDNS.com is one of the best if not the best and it is free. You can try all these things to keep yourself or a friend from falling into this sin, and even get rid of the computer. Even though sin may be hindered, this will not stop one from going back into this sin. You are going to have to gain self-control.
- Concerning dating and engagement, remember “make not provision for the flesh” (Rom. 13:14). Only date someone who you’d marry and when you decide otherwise while dating then cease the romantic relationship. Double dates and meeting in public places is the best if not only way to date, but there is something else that can make it easier. Draw a line to not cross. Draw the line after the second kiss. Physical relationships between a man and woman progress. The progression of affection is a fact of how God has designed man and woman. Why is it that we should flee this and not stand and face it? Our flesh and our mind battle against one another (Rom. 7:15).
It can be extremely tempting for some couples to be alone for even an hour. Sexual desires reach a point of sexual intoxication when one cannot think clearly. Try talking sense into someone who is drunk. How can sensual drunkenness be prevented? We must keep from the passion of lust. The usual physical progression of a relationship is close to this: eye-contact, arm around shoulder, holding hands, kissing, passionate kissing, petting, taking off clothing, stimulation, and intercourse. Of this progression, when does one quit thinking clearly? What triggers sexual passion and intoxication? Decide and know exactly when to stop along the progression and let your date know too. If they pass it, separate from them for some time. Most would point to passionate kissing. At passionate kissing, rational thinking is often thrown away as the couple becomes “love-drunk”. Again, can a drunk think clearly? Prevent this action and prevent the progression into sin by no passionate kissing. Then, there is another alternative. It is marriage.
- On marriage, 1 Corinthians 7:2, “But, because of fornications, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.” Here is an answer to sexual desire. Marriage certainly makes it easier. Now, temptations can arise from not fulfilling marital affections. A successful marriage based on rendering what is due (1 Cor. 7:1ff) and obeying Ephesians 5:23-31 will usually prevent these sexual sins. Now and all the time, “make not provision of the flesh” (Rom. 13:14). Don’t privately meet with anyone of the opposite sex that you are attracted to or could be. Most cases of adultery are because of the lack of attention, affection, and admiration from the other spouse. A little attention, affection, and admiration from someone else welcomes an affair, and a little attention, affection, and admiration toward your spouse pushes such temptations away.
- Please, remember what applies to you especially the scriptures. Even underline the Scriptures in your favorite Bible. Keep these thoughts in as many places as possible to be seen. Bookmark this page. You may need a reminder. Read these points over and over and memorize the verses, and these things will help you with sobriety. Saturate your mind.
It’s time to put down the weight of sin (Heb. 12:1). Know what sexual sin is, set your mind against it, live the Christian life, and make no provision for the flesh. If you have not already, obey the Gospel for the forgiveness of sins (Rom. 6:3-7). Disciples walk in the light and confess your sins in prayer for forgiveness (1 John 1:7 & 9). May God bless you all.
[Also for further reading consider: "Overcoming Habitual Sin and Addictions".]
Your article is wonderful and the Q & A are very helpful, in fact one is directly relating my current experience.
My question however is: Is it possible for two people whose relationship is sanctioned by God to still be having challenges with sexual immorality. The border has not been crossed but occasionaly got close to it only to repent and ask for forgiveness after series of kissing and petting. Most times, the act is initiated by the guy while the lady struggle to restrain him; though not always successful BUT LIKE I SAID, THE BORDER HAS NOT BEEN CROSSED. Or, will it be right to say God has not approve of such relationship hence the challenge with lust.
Appreciate your prompt response on this.
I think most dating Christians can relate to your exact words.
I find that the border is crossed by petting, which should be kept to marriage. You’ve recognized that. If another person were to pet the one you love, you would be offended. Why? Has a border been crossed? Yet, this is for your judgment. You must come to your own conclusion. How could you have prevented the passionate kissing and petting in the first place? What advice would give to others and eventually your own children?
I would simply encourage you to keep your relationship in the open. Be strong. I’m giving wisdom on these matters, so you must decide for yourself. I don’t think that you sin by being alone with the one you love, but remember to make no provision for the flesh. Do not tempt yourself, and most importantly don’t tempt him. Your boyfriend may not have the same self-control as you do.
May God bless you for living in purity. This is very encouraging.
thank you so much i am a teenage boy and this infomation and scriptures helps me everyday to resist the temptation of masturbation thank you.
May God bless you. If or when you’re a father one day, teach your sons the things they needs to know to face these temptations. You have my prayer.
im involved in sex,too. after i read this article,i took notes. now im going to pray every day. i got babtized, but i was involved in it. i practiced it. now i want to stop it. please pray for me.
You have my prayer. May God bless you.
I am a teenager and want to stop sex. What should i do
Remove yourself from the sin. Make no provision for the flesh. Break off whatever relationship is tempting you. Make a stand. Be bold. Pray and commit your mind and heart to holding God’s Word. God will forgive you when you repent (1 John 1:7-9). You have my prayer. May God bless you.
iI’m a teenager whose been violated as I was younger and I tend to have sexual urges toward my brother I love God and my family what do I do
God bless you for opposing these urges. I write to you not as a counselor but as one consulting. I recently heard a Christian psychiatrist say that the number one strongest urge is to breath, and the second is sexual desire. Almost everyone has urges. How do we respond to them? First, Jesus tells men not to look to lust after women. Many would say that men being attractive to women is natural, and yet Jesus gives instruction not to lust. Carry this over into your urges, what would Jesus tell you? Don’t look to lust. Will your urges and temptation go away? I don’t know, but I’d encourage you be okay with the fact that you are going to be tempted. We’re all tempted. Since you love God, you commitment is still to follow Him no matter the temptations. I’m sorry that you feel alone about this, but most people feel alone about their temptations. Your body has natural release for desires. Rely on that.
Take that motivation that you have to follow God and continue to seek Him. If you love to pray, pray more and more. If you love to sing, then sing, and if you love to help others, do it. Study the whole Bible, but I’d encourage you to put an emphasis on Philippians and Romans. Start with Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy — meditate on these things.” Think about good things. Consider your whole spiritual life and make sure that things are in order. Only think about the past to forget it and move forward (Phil. 3:13), imagine how things could be better in your relationships, so that you can forget the abuse. Live as God would really want you to be. Establish good relationships with other Christian men and get involved in some activities with them, so that you learn from their example of Christian living (Phil. 3:17). Avoid hypocrites, which you will find. Be sure that you recognize God, glorify and thank Him, so that passions do not overcome you (Rom. 1:20-21). Titus 2:6-8, “Likewise, exhort the young men to be sober-minded, in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you.”
I find that Cognitive Behavior Therapy patterns the natural therapy in the teachings of the Bible. I encourage you to ask your parents to let you go to a Christian counselor who does Cognitive Behavior Therapy, and that person should be able to help you get further into understanding your urges and how to better face and control them. Just tell your parents that you would like to keep the counseling personal and private.
As you say, you love God. Never give up. Don’t put yourself in a place where you will be tempted (Rom. 13:14). By being tempted, you are not sinning. By lusting, you would be sinning, and yet you can be forgiven. If you have been buried into Jesus’ death by baptism (Col. 2:11-12, Rom. 6:3-7), then you can pray to God for mercy and forgiveness and He will forgive you (Acts 8:22, 1 John 1:9). Thank God for His mercy. Read Romans 7:14-8:14 and find that all Christians can relate to being tempted. Seek guidance from others Christians. If I can help any more, you are welcome to further contact me. You have my prayer. God bless.
i buy used netbooks. i look up one thing and it gets me stuck on sex. i have not told my mom and dad. what can i do? help please! god bless anyone who ancers me!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Madison,
If you can tell your parents, do it.
This works when facing temptation: First, when you are tempted, just pause, delay for second, a moment, not for or against the temptation. Just wait. Second, escape from the influence of the temptation by looking around. Sit back and relax. Third, accept that you are going to have urges. This is not a problem, but giving in will only make things worse. Fourth, dispute these temptations by quoting scripture and reminding yourself a why this is ruining your life and harming you in so many ways. Make a list of harmful things if you have to. Fifth, do something else for a while. Walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh (Gal. 5:16-17, 22-23). Go do something good for someone else. Clean some part of the house for your parents. Call a lonely family member, etc. *If you cannot commit to this, then talk to someone and even get counseling.
Lastly, thank God when you have completely resisted and continue to do this. Keep praying for wisdom. Recognize yourself as dead to sin and alive to Christ. Obey the death, burial, and resurrection if you haven’t yet (Col. 2:11-12, Rom. 6:3-7). This is the gospel by which we are saved (1 Cor. 15:1-4, Rom. 1:16).
God bless you. You have my prayer.
Want to really stop FORNICATIONS..
Are you asking for help?
Article revised. God bless you all.
Thank you for this article, I am a teenager who, despite accepting Christ at a young age, had some extremely major failures in this area of my life for quite a while, but God got a hold of my me about 8 months ago and drastically changed my life. That life-changing experience put me on a spiritual high that left me closer to God than I had ever been before, and which gave me several months where I was hardly even tempted in that area. Recently, however, that spiritual high has begun to wear off and Satan is bombarding me, so it’s starting to become a struggle again since lust was so deeply ingrained into me. I’m fighting really hard because I want nothing to do with these thoughts or actions, I want so badly to do things the right way, but lust is a struggle nonetheless and I appreciate the encouragement and practical advice from this article.
May God bless you. I wrote this article because I wish I knew these things when I was a teenager. You have my prayer. Keep fighting.
Thank you for writing this article.
I used to have problems with lust that seemed impossible to overcome. I was bisexual, which only made things worse. The idea of overcoming my urges seemed impossible, and my inability to resist it actually started to depress me.
I’ve always been able to resist acting on others, but I have had trouble resisting pornography.
I’ve actually been free of pornography for a few weeks now, and I hope the trend continues. Whenever I give in to temptation, I abstain from food for a day and a half.
But there’s one thing that drives me to insanity. Even if I overcome my temptation, the sin is still tainting me. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t confess this sin to my priest. How might I get the courage to do this? I’ve actually been considering the priesthood, but I can’t bear to think that my own priest would think of me as a sexual sinner. Any suggestions?
God bless you for becoming so strong.
I believe that all Christians are priests (Rev. 1:6), so I cannot recommend joining a priesthood unless you speak of becoming a Christian. Stay strong and help others to overcome this sin, and I think you’ll see your ministry. I’d love to discuss the priesthood further. May God bless in following Christ. You have my prayer.